Ladies, don’t short yourselves on the orgasms

All is not fair, or equal when it comes to climaxing in hetero relationships, according to science.

couple having sex and using smartphone

A new study finds women who climax less end up expecting less pleasure in bed, and that’s not healthy.

Researchers from Rutgers University say they found a noticeable gap between what men and women expect when it comes to intercouse.

Overall, when men and women reach orgasm more frequently during intimacy, they want and expect that same level of pleasure in the future. However, when the opposite happens, people end up expecting less pleasure from their romantic relationships.

With that in mind, the team examined this orgasm gap, which they describe as a well-established phenomenon that sees men climax more often than their female partners. Through a survey of 104 sexually active couples, results show women are more likely to end up in a “cycle of inequality” in their relationships — rather than seeing their sexual satisfaction improve over time.

The Rutgers team asked each couple about how often each partner orgasms, their ideal amount of sexual pleasure, and how often they expect to climax during sex. Women who had fewer orgasms reduced the importance they placed on reaching this level of pleasure.

“Our expectations are shaped by our experiences, so when women orgasm less, they will desire and expect to orgasm less,” says Grace Wetzel, a Rutgers social psychology doctoral student, in a media release. “If women do lower their expectations in this way, the more orgasm inequality may perpetuate in relationships.”

Wetzel says that a person’s expectations influence their future actions, and whether or not they pursue further wants and desires.

“The orgasm gap has implications for women’s pleasure, empowerment, sexual satisfaction and general well-being,” the researcher adds. “Importantly, this is a gender equality issue. Women are learning to expect and be satisfied with less in their sexual interactions with men.”

The study is published in the journal Sex Roles.

With science backing the outcomes, ladies – it’s time to give yourself what you deserve – some pleasure! Orgasms are good for the soul, mind, and body. Below is a list of the best rated “self-massagers” on Amazon.


The thrill of the hunt

Not only is it trendy, but thrifting is good for the soul and the planet.

There are so many things I love to do that give me an adrenaline rush. From stand-up-paddle boarding in the summer, to pre-pandemic roller derby, I am a dopamine addict, but the hobby that gives me the biggest thrill is second hand shopping.

There is something so magical to me about treasure hunting at my local thrift shops. It’s probably like the equivalent to beach combing and metal detecting for others.

Buying second hand is more popular now than ever. Between inflation, supply chain shortages, and gas prices, buying gently used items just makes sense.

But did you know that thrifting is good for the planet as well? Take a look at these stats:

Why it matters: The apparel and footwear industry account for about 10% of climate impact — greater than all international flights and maritime shipping trips combined. Buying clothes, shoes and more secondhand can greatly reduce fashion’s carbon footprint.

By the numbers: The secondhand market is projected to reach $77 billion by 2025! That’s up from $36 billion in 2021, and is growing at a whopping 11 times the rate of the broader retail clothing sector, according to a report from the retail analytics firm GlobalData.

  • Second hand chains like the Goodwill and Salvation Army, as well as smaller consignment shops are seeing a boost from all walks of life, but especially from Gen Z clients.
  • Another growing part of the secondhand market is e-commerce, as Axios’ Hope King reports. Platforms like Depop (90% of users are under 26 years old) and Poshmark have helped turn young shoppers into stylists who can make a bit of income, and then advertise on social media platforms like TikTok Instagram.

There’s also a solid mental health boost from thrifting. For many, it feels good to provide for their families while on a budget, and for others, it helps provide retail therapy without the buyers remorse. Some people just love the idea that they are saving clothing and other goods from the landfill and are not giving money to fast-fashion entities that continue to pollute the planet.

For me personally, I have a weird sense of fashion and love to find large grandpa sweaters and holiday vests that scream old ladies! The cringier, the better sometimes.

In the word’s of Macklemore:

“Im gonna pop some tags
Only got twenty dollars in my pocket
I, I, I’m hunting, looking for a come-up
This is f@**%$# awesome

I wear your granddad’s clothes
I look incredible
I’m in this big ass coat
From that thrift shop down the road”


Go ahead and dream of unicorns and all that glitters

Photo by RODNAE Productions on Pexels.comI can never do just one thing at a time. You can say I’m just a multi-tasker, but the truth is the ADHD is …

Go ahead and dream of unicorns and all that glitters

Go ahead and dream of unicorns and all that glitters

woman in black and white striped long sleeve shirt standing beside a wall art
Photo by RODNAE Productions on

I can never do just one thing at a time. You can say I’m just a multi-tasker, but the truth is the ADHD is strong in my genes. Most of the time, I’m ok with that. One brisk afternoon I decided to go for a walk, and I’m never just content with listening to the birds, and the wind whistling through the naked winter tree limbs. Nope. I have to entertain my brain. ALWAYS.

On this particular day, I listened to a podcast that gave me the green light that I didn’t know I desperately needed.

On any given day, my family says I give them whiplash with all of my business ideas, thoughts, and dreams. I’m an idea generator – I can’t help it. I’ve been a TV producer for more than 20-years, but that’s never been enough for me, to work full-time, be a mom, or even volunteer. My soul craves more, aspires for new challenges, adventures, and connections. That’s just the way I’m wired. But, that’s tiresome for my husband who’s been raised with simple Midwestern values. His folks are kind, and lovely, but never pressed him to be curious, hypothesize, and strive fore more. Instead, holding down a full-time job, getting a pension, and staying out of jail were signs of success for his small town family.

So here, I am, walking my neighborhood now, and listening to Dr. Aliza Pressman interview Eve Rodsky, Author of Unicorn Space. This episode gave me life. I’m serious. In the 49-minute exchange, these brilliant women talked about why it’s important for all people, but specifically women, to create a Unicorn Space.

Yes -go ahead and channel your inner Lisa Frank if that’s your jam, but Rodsky talks about a Unicorn Space being the time you carve out to nurture your creative, and passionate side, not start yet another hobby inspired by Pinterest. Yes – women work, are mothers, and volunteer with the PTA, but we are just as creative as men and dare I say, maybe more enterprising?

Its March and National Women’s History Month, and while America has come a long way with women’s rights, there’s a still a long way to go. According to the Women’s Police Research, women still only make 83 cents on the dollar compared with men. So not only do men make more money in the workforce, but they also get praise for having active rest time. Golfing is considered networking, tinkering in the garage is synonymous with taking care of the home, but when women decide to but play a team sport after work or do some baking for the office as a way to unwind, it’s considered a cute little hobby.

Finding an activity outside of the mundane world is crucial to your mental health. According to Rodsky, she says you need to focus on these three C’s to tap into this power.

Curiosity: pay attention to what your interests are, and begin there. Want to write, start journaling. Interested in photography, take pictures on your phone and go from there.

Completion: whatever you decide to do, carve out the time to do it, and complete it. For example, set an alarm or block schedule time for yourself to write, to take nature photos, or sign-up for that kickball team and show up.

Connect: now that you determined what you want to do, and have completed at least your first self-assigned task or activity, talk about it with a friend, get an accountability partner, tweet about it, share your finished project!

That time you’ve set aside for your passion project is what Rodsky calls a “Unicorn Space.” In her book of that same title, she interviewed hundreds of women who all said they felt like motherhood and working snuffed out their time for their personal interests, and striving for more felt selfish. The author says flexing your creative muscle is anything but selfish, rather it’s just as important as eating healthy and exercising. Our bodies need the happy hormones that come from finishing a journal entry, playing a beach volleyball game, or learning a new skill just for fun.

Listening to this interview a couple of a weeks ago gave me the validation I needed to march forward with some upcoming personal projects, and the forgiveness I was devoid of, ridden with “mom-guilt” from past endeavors that I worried took me away from my kids for too long. We are not alone in wanting more, needing room for creativity, but they key is to complete the goal, and connect with others. Women deserve the golf outing with pals, just as much as the guys do.

Examples of my past Unicorn Spaces:


When the storm comes…

Normally here in Michigan when a big storm is near, we get the candles ready, find a radio, get cozy, and maybe even step outside to watch the clouds roll in.

Right now as I type out these words, people down south are getting ready for hurricane Dorian. God help them and bless them.

In life, when it comes to storms outside of the meteorological kind, it feels like there is no amount of prepping that you can do to ready yourself to get smacked in the face with a catastrophe.

We began our foster parent journey in May, and have been riding that roller coaster which entails, sharing space, attention, behaviors, schedules, and exhaustion to name a few things we’ve been dealing with.

The husband and I trained for this, so we thought. We prepped, read books, did bible lessons pertaining to foster parenting, we thought we knew what we were doing. We’ve got this!

Ha! So naive! Our little, is a sweet girl who’s experienced more trauma than I care to share. But she can be equally salty to that sweet, and what we’ve learned about ourselves is invaluable; we don’t have this! We are not as amazing at parenting as we thought maybe we were, lacking much needed patience.

The caring for a child and her everyday needs is just one track to this double-coaster like the Gemini at Cedar Point. There’s also the “system” and her bio family to work with, and that my friends, is a whole other ride and test of patience. Oy vey!

Here is where I went wrong with my storm prepping. You have to prepare, and care for your season at hand, every single day. I get lazy sometimes with digging into the gospel, and finding bible lessons. But when I do select a lesson from my nifty, little bible app on my phone, it’s like getting hit by lightning! In the best way possible, I swear!

I’ve just completed three different lessons by three different authors, and it felt like each person spoke directly to my heart. But, it wasn’t a person speaking to my heart, but rather, The Holy Spirit. God knows my heart and what I need, so why do I hold out so much relying on my own poor knowledge?

Here is a link to the book, ‘Enemies if the Heart’, by Andy Stanley.


Should we have said yes?

As many of you know, we’ve taken the plunge into foster parenting.

This decision wasn’t one that was made lightly. Ever since the birth of our first daughter, 18 years ago, we felt the abundant love one has when they become a parent. We ( Jeremy and I ) felt we had enough love to share.

We’ve gone through foster parent training three times. Once when our oldest was an infant, another time when our second was in kindergarten, and the last time, about a year ago.

I think the times prior when this call was on our hearts, it was for the wrong reasons. I grew up as a foster kid, and I wanted to pay it forward.

Overall, I had a decent upbringing, and was loved on in a deep, affirming way. I grew to be a successful adult, and one that is pretty empathetic. I know that there are amazing foster homes out there, but there are some bad ones too.

Jeremy and I have grown up together. We began dating when I was 15 and he was 17. Sure, we’ve had our ups and downs, but he’s always been my rock, and for a long time, my foundation.

That might sound well and good to have such reverence for your husband, but I was missing where my foundation should really be built on. It’s not fair to put everything, your feelings, successes, failures, and dreams on one human being. That’s what I found myself doing to Jeremy.

Every time something went wrong, or my hopes weren’t fulfilled, I felt like it was his fault, or something wrong in our marriage.

I think when we bailed out on the plans to foster in the past, it was because we wanted people to see how ‘good’ we were, or stressing the message to ‘pay it forward’ and we just didn’t feel, ‘good’. We were trying to get the glory for ourselves whether we realized it or not. So, in the plans to expand our family, it just never felt right.

Fast forward a few years, and we are in a different chapter of our story. We are both Christians with a faith that grows deeper as we invest in our worship and bible time.

My foundation is no longer built on the the fairytale of the, ‘happily ever after with Prince Charming’, but rather it’s built on the happily ever after in Eternity with Christ.

That call to foster parent came back, but this time we want to glorify God in this plan, not ourselves. I don’t even know how we could think of ourselves as superior people! We are so flawed!

We took our first placement about a month ago. She’s a sweet 3-year old who requires a lot of attention. More attention than we are even used to giving our three bio-daughters.

We are selfish human beings and even though she’s a little who needs so much TLC in this trying time in her life, we ( the collective three bio kids, myself, and husband ) are all riding on the struggle bus. The wheels on the bus go round and round… round and round… “STOP, LET ME OFF!”

Oh wait, I can’t get off the bus!

If it weren’t for praying to Jesus every single hour of every single day since this child came to live with us, I don’t know if I would make it. I don’t know if Jeremy would make it.

Our prayers go something like this; “Dear Heavenly Father, I know that you are holy, and are in charge of all things and have big plans for all of us. I know you have arranged for this child to be in our home, and it’s for your reasons. Please, give us the love we need to love on her. Please, give us patience to deal with the meltdowns and tantrums.

Please Lord, help my other kids understand that we are trying to do this in your Name because you call us to love the orphans.

Please Lord, help ease our anxiety. Please Lord , help everyone to feel loved today. Jesus, please forgive me for my meltdowns, my outbursts, my cussing, my selfishness. I need the Holy Spirit to use my mouth to speak your words to this child and my other kids.

Thank you lord,


Trust me when I say, I knew this was going to be hard, we weren’t fooling ourselves. Are we cut out for this calling? I don’t know.

Are we suppose to just be here for this little girl, or foster others in the future? I’m not sure.

Should we have said yes to this one? I think so. I know God is not calling us to be comfortable in our lifestyles, and that’s one of the luxuries the family is mourning right now.

In the meantime, I’ll keep leaning on and asking for forgiveness from Him. That may be the whole point to this.


Dear firstborn, hit pause.

Hi. My name is Connie and I am the mother of a teenage girl. Ugh. There should be a support group just for parenting teens! Oh wait, there is. It’s Facebook! I am beyond blessed with awesome kids, but my Netflix addicted teen is driving me mad. She’s excelling at school, gets her homework done, accepted to her choice colleges, but her love of streaming shows is getting in the way of her applying for much needed scholarships. I am grateful that we are able to raise our girls in a nice city with great schools, but we just are not able to fully pay for college for them. They have to work, get good grades, and apply for scholarships. I don’t think working hard for your future is a bad thing! Work ethic for my high schooler is not a problem, but she has this paralyzing fear that she’s not good enough, so why bother? She measures herself up against these imaginary kids and then doesn’t even try. Instead she retreats to the safety and comfort of her Netflix show.

As a mom who reads the gospel and fully believes it, this behavior of hers truly is infuriating. In the book of Philippians 4:6-7, Paul’s words to the church are, “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
I know it comes with maturity, prayer, and mindfulness to put the gospel to work for you, and teens are just on the cusp adulthood, but I truly wish they believed more scripture and took it to heart. God loves these kids so, so, much, and He wants them to know this, love themselves more, and each other.

So in the meantime, I’ll continue to get on my kid’s case about scholarship hunting, praying she learns to love herself even a fraction of the amount Jesus loves her, and yelling at her to hit pause on that show she’s streaming.

skyler walking



The Journey Begins

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton